Football Season

The autumn season reminds us of the leaves turning, cooler weather and, of course, football, so in a never-ending effort to attract more folks to church, we are considering translating some familiar football phrases to church related items, as first conceived by a former football coach:

Personal foul:  When Pastor Mark leads the congregation in song.

Unsportsmanlike conduct:  When Pastor Mark sings a solo.

Hail Mary:  A desperate move made by the ushers in a last-ditch attempt to get people to put something in the offering plate.

Halftime:  The period after the sermon when many parishioners wake up.

Illegal motion:  Leaving before the benediction.

Interference:  Talking during the prelude.

Instant replay:  Pastor Mark continuously repeating himself throughout the sermon.

Screenplay:  The use of videos and PowerPoint as part of Sunday morning worship.

Blitz:  The rush to the Fellowship Hall on Cookie Sunday.

Sidelines:  Where lukewarm Christians always stand.

Running back:  Taking the Gospel and running with God’s truth and spirit in one’s heart.

Linebacker:  One who defends the faith against all attacks.

Owner/CEO:  God.

Owner/President:  Jesus.

Manager of operations:  The Church Board.

Director of player personnel:  The pastor.

Coach:  Whomever is bending the pastor’s ear.

Assistant coach:  The Holy Spirit.

Overtime:  When sermon time takes up the Sunday school hour.

Coin toss:  Taking up the offering.

Punt:  The point in the sermon where Pastor Mark gets lost, the congregation is lost, and the sound man cannot turn off the microphone.

Punt return:  When the congregation wakes up.

Defensive holding:  The first folks to grab the seats in the back row.

Quick count:  Estimate of Sunday worship attendance.

Dead ball:  An awkward silence during the sermon when the pastor has asked the congregation for a verbal response that is never received.

Roster:  Official list of church members

Excessive timeouts:  Crying babies, severe coughing, talking or snoring.

Eligible receiver:  A faithful servant of the Lord.

Unnecessary roughness:  Gossiping, lying and rudeness.

Formation:  Gathering for the Worship Service.

End run:  Getting out of church quickly, without speaking to guests or fellow church members.

Field goal:  Getting at least something out of the Worship Service.

Safety:  Proof that God and your church have your back.

Touchdown:  When the Worship Service moves your spirit, which moves you to be more Godly in all you say and do.

Special teams:  The church choir, technicians and sound crew, church committees, fellowship groups, Open Arms volunteers, office personnel, janitorial crew and building maintenance.

Scrimmage:  Trying to get to everyone during greeting time.

Extra point:  Showing care and compassion to one another.

Fumble:  When the minister mispronounces a word or two during the sermon.

Game ball:  The Bible.

Quarterback sneak:  When the pastor says or does something unexpected.

Draw play:  The doodling, drawings and illustrations created by church patrons on the church bulletin.

Staying in the pocket:  What happens to a lot of money that should be going toward the Lord’s work.

Tackle:  What takes place around the dessert table during 5th Sunday potluck dinners.

Pastor Mark

 

Leave a Reply

Meet the Disciples

First Christian Church is a Disciples of Christ congregation. Learn more about the Disciples on our Kansas region site and our main denomination page.

Directions

bootstrap themes

First Christian Church

319 W. Laurel St.
Independence, KS 67301

620-273-2525